Bono Update

Bono, the smartest man in the world, showed up on the dumbest show on TV. Last night he was on American Idol, promoting the transfer of American's income to third world dictatorships. This man, who's brain dwarfs Einstein's, will not rest until every cent earned by American workers is deposited in the coffers of African despots.

Assclown (Literally) of the Day - Cheryl Crow

Ms. Crow is one of those celebrities that take time out from riding arround in thier jets, limos, tour busses, and SUVs to tell us little people how we should live our lives. Her latest edict to the peasantry to save the world from global warming, we are to use only one square of toilet paper per sitting. I invite Ms. Crow anyday to demonstrate on me how the hell to do that. I have heard her music and she certainly is an expert on crap. No wonder Lance Armstrong left her, who wants to put up that that kind of hygene. Imus might call her a stanky ho.

As if this wasn't enough, Ms. Crow's statement unleashed Rosie O'Donnell ranting about her own rear. The last thing I want to think of is big fat lesbien Rosie's rear.

Assclown of the 20th Century

This weekend, everyone in the media, entertainment world, and environmentalist wacko movement celebrated Earth Day by drooling over one of their patron saints, Rachel Carson. Rachel Carson wrote a book on the environment, Silent Spring, that turned out to be mostly ficton. Because of this book, DDT was banned, and conservative estimates are that 25-30 million Africans have died of malaria. Ms. Carson has killed more people than Hitler.

Today we are faced with the new savior of the environmental movement, Al Gore, and his fictional movie. The wacko left expects us to change our lives and economies on the proven false word of a hypocrite who from the 80s to 2000 was the Village of Washington DC's idiot. How many people will die in the future because of the lies in Al Gore's movie? His body count will probably beat Ms. Carson's.

Assclown of the Day Henry Waxaman

First, let me set this up. Imagine a small town in Colorado. All the libs think some fat kid is the reincarnation of FDR. So the dems in congress go on a pilgrimage to hear his wisdom. When Waxman's turn to talk to him comes up, Cartman, er, I mean the fat kid tells him, "YOU SUCK!" Congressman Waxman immediately runs and locks himself in the closet.

This idiot began his showtrial aginst the Bush Administration by bringing up as his first witness, undercover bimbo Valerie Plame, news whore and wife of dem political hack Joe Wilson. After hearing Ms. Plame's testimony, one can only wonder if Waxman's kangaroo court isn't out to prove the Dumb Blonde Theory.

Look out, John Travolta is going to try to get him out of the closet.

They Eat Their Own

Kook organization PETA has sent a letter condemning kook enviromentalist/meat eater Algore.

In the letter, PETA points out the following:

The effect that our meat addiction is having on the climate is truly staggering. In fact, in its recent report “Livestock’s Long Shadow—Environmental Issues and Options,” the United Nations determined that raising animals for food generates more greenhouse gases than all the cars and trucks in the world combined.

Researchers at the University of Chicago have determined that switching to a vegan diet is more effective in countering global warming than switching from a standard American car to a Toyota Prius.

PETA also reminds Gore that his critics love to question whether he practices what he preaches and suggests that by going vegetarian, he could cut down on his contribution to global warming and silence his critics at the same time.

“The single best thing that any of us can do to for our health, for animals, and for the environment is to go vegetarian,” says PETA President Ingrid E. Newkirk. “The best and easiest way for Mr. Gore to show his critics that he’s truly committed to fighting global warming is to kick his meat habit immediately.”


If he complies, this could possibly upset Tipper.

Source: Drudge

Assclowns of the Day-The Fitzgerald Eleven

Persecuting Attorney/Left Wing Political Hack Patrick Fitzgerald proved that he could find eleven idiots in the city limits of Washington, DC. Scooter Libby's life is ruined because the left hates Bush/Cheney/Rove. Hopefully he will be cleared on appeal, the idiots on the jury are already running their mouths before the cameras about how they did it to punish Bush/Cheney/Rove. Political sabateur Joe Wilson and his bimbo wife will be on every news show on the dial, whining about the President, Keith Olberman will have multiple O's, Chris Matthews will still need therapy, and Larry King will have special guests Leonardo DiCaprio and Fuzzy the Wonder Cat. Oh yeah, and John Edwards will still be a fagot.

Madman attacks Coulter

Howard Dean, in a performance worthy of his role model Adolph, has screamed for Republicans to denounce Ann Coulter over her calling John Edwards a faggot. I too will denounce Coulter for it--on the day that John Edwards stops acting like an effeminate little girlie. If Ms. Coulter wishes to discuss the matter more with me, I have a hot tub and bottle of champaigne waiting for her.

An Inconvenient Security Check

When we last left Algore, the man who wants us to live like the Flinstones while he jets around to one of his four homes, Leonardo DiCaprio was trying to get him backstage at the Oscars where he could concieve his baby. Yesterday found Algore caught breaking security rules at the Nashville airport by being getting to avoid the security checks that everyone except muslims have to to through. After all, as his teacher Bill taught him, laws and rules are for those people, Algore and his ilk are of the privilaged class.

We hope Algore stays in the spotlight. Everytime he makes an ass of himself, it does more to discredit the left, and Algore is quite competent at making an ass of himself. Just thank God that he wasn't making an ass of himself on the government's time during 9-11.

Assclown of the Day-The Man Who Would Sink Jesus

James Cameron decided to celebrate the annual Hollywood bashing of America and the newly announced engagement of Leonardo DiCaprio and Al Gore by holding a press conference today to finish the work that the DaVinci Code did to Christianity. Despite experts on the subject who say it is not true, Cameron decided to follow the example of the global warming hoaxers and held a press conference today to declare the DaVinci Code as infalible because he has discovered the tomb of Christ, the wife, and kids.

I can't recall a movie that he has made since Titanic, which would have been great without DiCaprio and what's her name.

Rush Nominated for Nobel Peace Prize

The Landmark Legal Foundation has nominated Rush Limbaugh for the Nobel Peace Prize. Most of the press missed it, they were too busy fawning over Algore's Nobel nomination. We support Rush and want to find out where to go to vote for the Nobel Prize. In fact, we may just bus in some Katrina refugees from New Orleans, they are good at multiple voting so we can stuff the ballot box.

Why should Rush win the prize over Algore?

Rush has had the number one radio show in America for two decades. Algore made a stupid movie that few people outside of Hollywood ever saw.

Rush confronts the left with facts and logic. Algore screams and lies.

Rush supports democracy and peace through stregenth. Algore believes we should surrender to our enemies at all costs.

Rush supports a strong economy. Algore uses his global warming hoax to damage industry and promote socialism.

Over the past ten years Rush has been losing weight. Algore has really plumped out.

Rush has a shot at getting a date with Ann Coulter. Algore might get a date with Ann Richards.

Assclown of the Day-City of Boston

Boston is the most politically correct city on the East Coast. The 911 hijackers were allowed to board there and no doubt given parting gifts and tickertape farewell, but when my son asked a guard at Logan where the restroom was she was going to carry him off to Guantanimo. Go to a Duncan Donuts (one on every corner, on some corners two) and you will find out that Joe Biden was correct. The city that doesn't support the U.S. War on Terror freaked out and came to a complete stop when Cartoon Network ran a promo.

No wonder you idiots reelect Uncle Teddy every six years and also have brought us other winners like John Kerry and Mike Dukakas.

They Shoot Shiavos Don't They?

A couple of years ago, Terri Shiavo was put to sleep in a manner that would make Dr. Kevorkian proud and the left (and her husband) celebrated. This week Barbaro, who got alot better treatment that Terri was put to sleep and the left mourned. Who said our values are screwed up?

Lurch Update

Last year Lurch dressed up as a sperm and swam up a tube at Kennedy Space Center. Turns out he illegally used the center for a campaign rally. Not that it mattered, in fact the pictures of him looking like an idiot probably cost him more votes than he picked up from the appearance.

Right now he is in Davos, on the lamb from the illegal rally charges and calling the United State military pariahs. Some people never change.

Special Assclown Salute

I attempted to watch President Bush's State of the Union but turned it before he spoke because Charlie Gibson was pontificating like a freakin' Von Clausewitz, he being an expert in all forms of warfare.

To borrow from Patton, the following know about as much about real combat as they do fornicating:

Charlie Gibson
Matt Lauer
Brian Williams
George Stephanopolis
Harry Smith
Wolf Blitzer
Aaron Brown
Larry King
Alan Combs
Chris Matthew
Keith Olberman
Anderson Cooper
Bob Schieffer
Tim Russert
David Gregory

Assclown of the Day Dr. Heidi Cullen-Weather Nazi

The esteemed Dr. Cullen, Weather Channel babe, makes it perfectly clear that she will not put up with dissent. Ms. Cullen hosts a show called Climate Code which pushes the Algore/Junk Science global warming hoax. In fact, Ms. Cullen has publicly declared that any meteorologist who does not support the global warming hoax should loose their AMS certification. Recently she had a guest on Climate Code who wants to have Nuremburg style trials of meteorolgists who refuse to accept the global warming hoax.

There was a place where her warped dreams could have happened that no longer exists--THE SOVIET UNION. Dr. Cullen should have stuck to doing weekend weather, traffic reports. and mall grand openings.

I suggest that Ms. Cullen read Michael Crichton's State of Fear. If she still persists in her Stalinist delusions, then maybe a long vacation in Siberia is in order.

Obama Update

Obama's trash talking about the Saints-Bears game coming up this Sunday shows again that he lacks the emotional maturity to be president. Without Oprah whispering in his ear what to say, the emperor has no clothes.

Ma Sheehan Update

Ma Sheehan recently bonded out of jail in Crawford where she was arrested with several other freaks for blocking a road. Earlier this week she went to Cuba to show her support for Islamic terrorism and protest the US base at Gitmo. She also probably visited her Uncle Fidel in the hospital, who knows. Rumors that Fidel got a little cannot be confirmed.

Did she violate her bond by leaving the U.S. Did she break the law by going to Cuba without permission? We suggest Dog the Bounty Hunter be called in. He can find her, and before he turns her over to the authorities, he can set her straight with Jesus, Lord knows she needs it.

Assclown of the Day Nancy Pelosi

Speaker Pelosi's top priority is to raise minimum wage. That's right, she wants that idiot that just screwed up your order at McDonalds to get a big raise. She wants the dolt that didn't bother to go to class to get a big raise. She wants everyone with no ambition to get a big raise. Except for workers in American Samoa, who are exempt from the minimum wage raise.

Why? Because Del Monte's corporate HQ is in speaker Pelosi's district. Del Monte employees 5,000 American Samoans at a Starkist plant in American Samoa. Ms. Pelosi ranted about how ethical her house would be. Congradulations, you have reached the same level of ethics as other dem leaders, Tip "Where's the Scotch" O' Neil, Jim "Book Royalty" Wright, Tom "Blueboy" Foley and Tom "Puffy" Daschelle, all well known for their lack of ethics and morals.

Assclown of the Day-Suzanne Somers

Suzanne Somer's Malibu home was lost in the wildfire, we are sorry for her loss. But when reporters approached her about it and asked her about the fire, her loss was the last thing on her mind. Instead she launches into this wild diatribe about President Bush and the war in Iraq.

We know now that when she was Chrissy on Three's Company, she wasn't acting.

Assclown of the Day-Imam Keith Ellison

While Pelosi and her press allies celebrated the new redistribution of wealth and destruction of morals that they wish to impose, they missed a big story. For the first time in history, a comgressman took an oath (obviously he has no intention of keeping) on the manefesto of a terrorist cult sworn to destroy America. In an in-your-face America act, Congressman Keith Ellison (D-MN) showed his support for the terrorists who would like to destroy this country by mocking the oath on a Koran. The former member of the Nation of Islam is just another example of he new Pelosi/Reid values.