Why is this man smiling?

Why is Tom Brokaw smiling? Because Meriwether County Sheriff's Deputy Richard Jewell is dead. Brokaw cost NBC $500,000 plus whatever their shysters charged them, when they settled with Jewell in a libel case. Brokaw without fact or cause blamed then security guard Jewell for the bombing at the 1996 Altanta Olympics. It was later proven a seriel bomber had planted the bomb, but in a move that would make Dan Rather proud, Brokaw refuses to believe it. After all Jewell was a dumb redneck from the south, not a rich urbane well dressed New Yorker like he.

Richard has his wings. For all the years of lying about him and thousands of other stories, you have a much warmer reception waiting for you Tom.

Assclown of the Day-American Al Qaida

American Al Qaida terrorist Adam Gadahan, best known for playing Al Borland on Tool Time, has called for peace loving muslims around the world to blow up American embassies. Gadahan, who has been indicted in the U.S. for treason, has a $1,000,000 reward on his head by the FBI and and additional $100 reward from Pizza Hut if their table cloth is returned.

Remember, it is all about Peace and Love. And blowing up infidels.

Assclown Update

Socialist weather babe Heidi Cullen was interviewed in the NY Times this week about the statement she made that journalists who didn't believe in the global warming hoax should be fired. She denied saying this, she says that what she said was that they should be denied certification and unable to be hired. What is the difference?

Looking at this picture of Ms. Cullen, no, I wouldn't.

Assclowns of the Day-Is that you Dad?

In Venezuela, insane socialist America-hating dictator Hugo Chavez praised insane socialist America-hating actor Sean Penn. The man who is Jeff Spicoli was in Venezuela to bash America and meet the crazy tin horn. Chavez called Penn by phone to praise him, but considering Chavez' bad English and Penn's worse English, it is doubtful that either one understood the other. Tomorrow they meet in person, no doubt to do DNA swabs.

The Last Great Mystery

Why the hell would the second horniest man in America (Barry White was first horniest) want anything to do with this? I can't figure it out.

The New Face of the Democratic Party

The Democratic Party will now screen all candidates of all parties for public office with Larry Flynt. Mr. Flynt, former morals advisor to Bill Clinton, will approve or disapprove all candidates and current officeholders.

Dem party chairman Howard Dean told the press, "We wanted someone that represented the best of our values. No one represents what is truly in the heart of every loyal democrat more than Mr. Flynt."

Democrats Schedule Rigged Debate

It was announced today that Logo, the gay network, will sponsor a democratic presidential candidate debate next month. It would be stupid for any of the front runners to participate in this debate that has already been won by John Edwards.

Call for Revolution Fails

Thousands of stoned rock fans were confused when Al Gore mounted the stage and urged the crowd to storm the palace and kill the Czar and his family. "The Ocktober Revolution has begun!" Al Gore declared. After silence and and a few murmurs from the crowd, the former vice president was led away by two men in white suits who informed the crowd that they were taking him to "a really nice place in the country" and that he "can have all the green jello he wants."

One fan who was interviewed, but refused to give his name because of an outstanding bench warrant said, "Like I was listening to Green Day, and this fat guy came out and interrupted the music, and I think he was one of the band members' father."

Al Sharpton's Position on Underage Sex

The Reverend (excuse me a moment-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) Al Sharpton held a rally in Atlanta to show his support for fifteen year old girls giving oral sex. It is not known if the reverend (hold on a minute-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) is speaking from experience, but one thing is certain, he is all for it.

Corkey/Bad Parenting Update

Police report that in addition to his pot Al Gore III also had a stash of Valium, Xanax, Vicodin, Adderall and Soma. Just stocking up for Live Earth. Where are all those on the left that were making jokes about Rush Limbaugh's drug problems?

We Are Amazed

Al Gore III, known and loved by all when he played Corkey in Life Goes On, was arrested for DUI and narcotics possession doing 100 mph in a Prius. This is truly amazing. Not the DUI thing and the pot was probably Dad's. The fact that he got a girly car like a Prius up to 100 is an amazing feat. No doubt Algore used some carbon credits and had a souped up engine put in.

Assclown of the Day

RINO Senator Trent Lott needs to join Arlen Specter, Lindsey Grahamnesty, and John McQueeg and change parties. His behavior has demonstrated he is not a Republican any more. No one on his side of the aisle went as full out to pass the Kennedy Amnesty and Vote Farm Act. Then in the ultimate act of biting the hand that feeds you, he has come out in favor of the (Un) Fairness Doctrine to shut out conservative talk radio. Several years ago when the left and their media lackeys were ready to lynch him for making a joke for an old man, talk radio was his only defender. Benedict Lott is ready to hand them over to Pilate.

Bush Finally Does Something Right

After screwing up by supporting the Kennedy Amnesty and Vote Farm Act and failing to oppressively conduct the war on terror, George Bush finally did something right. We were starting to worry. By granting clemency to Scooter Libby, he fixed the abuses done by witch-hunter Patrick Fitzgerald and incompetent judge Reggie Walton. Now if he can only let the dogs loose in Iraq and Iran, maybe he can fix his broken administration.

Assclown of the Day Mayor Ken Livingstone

While London Police were disarming two bombs that would have killed thousands in his own city and an SUV met a fiery end at Glasgow Airport, the mayor of London took off time from his celebration of Tony Blair's retirement to make a statement clearing all members of the religion of peace and love from blame and presenting a convoluted conspiracy theory involving the British Government and Saudi royal family. Mr. Livingstone has suffered from Blair Derangement Syndrome, a disease much like Bush Derangement Syndrome, and Mr. Blair's retirement may have pushed him over the cliff. Either that or too much Beefeater's Gin in his tea.

Breck Girl Afraid of Tall Leggy Blonde

Cowering in his palatial mansion, built on legal fees that we are paying for with higher insurance and medical costs, the Dems' most feminine candidate sent out his wife to go on TV and whine about Anne Coulter making fun of him. As the children on South Park would say, "That is so gay."

JUSTICE

Witch hunter Michael Nifong was disbarred today. In a world where members of the left usually escape justice, this is a great day for the rule of law. We shouldn't stop here, Patrick Fitzgerald, Ronnie Earle, and Judge Reggie Walton, you should be next.

Michael Nifong Update

In a shameless attempt to get sympathy from the panel investigating his ethics violation, witch hunter Michael Nifong resigned as Durham's district attorney. This pioneer of the new show trial era has served the left well, destroying the lives of Duke students and the forgotten victim, the coach. How many other lives has he destroyed? Every case that he has ever prosecuted needs to be thoroughly investigated. Has he lied and hid evidence in other cases?

Grim Reaper Vows to Defeat United States Military

Fresh off defeats on the amnesty bill and the Gonzalez witch trial, Senate Leader Harry Reid announced today that a strike to destroy Iran's nuclear program will destabalize Iran's vital nuclear program. Reid said he was pissed off because of, "that damn jew Lieberman" and vowed to stop anything short of a total defete of the United States military forces.

Assclown in Your Pocket

Bono, the world's smartest man, has been quite busy lately working on ways to take money from American workers and families. He has started One Vote, an organization to elect candidates who are willing to tax you to death to put money in the hands of 3rd World dictators and failed social projects (vote farms). He and a very effeminate Bob Geldorf also showed up at the G8 Summit at Heilgendamn to codemn world leaders for not filling up the coffers of African despots fast enough.

One thing is for certain. If Bono shows up, grab your wallet and hold on tight.

Assclown of the Day Sheriff "Barney" Lee Baca

We can't say for sure why Sheriff Lee Baca let Paris Hilton out of jail, but our imagination sure does run wild. We only hope that the people of L.A. vote this corrupt horndog out of office next time he is up. Don't be concerned about his future, we know of several rent-a-cop jobs he might be qualified for. Maybe.